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was evil in the sight of Yahweh

The phrase "in the sight" refers to Yahweh seeing Onan's wickedness. Alternate translation: "was evil and Yahweh saw it" (See: rc://en/ta/man/jit/figs-idiom)

Yahweh killed him also

Yahweh killed him because what he did was evil. This can be made clear. Alternate translation: "So Yahweh killed him also" (See: rc://en/ta/man/jit/figs-explicit)