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Nadab ... Abihu ... Ithamar
See how you translated these men's names in Numbers 3:2.
they offered before Yahweh unacceptable fire
Here the word "fire" is used to refer to "burning incense." See how you translated a similar phrase in Numbers 3:4. AT: "they burned an incense offering to Yahweh in a way that he did not approve of" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-metonymy)
who were counted
This can be stated in active form. AT: "whom the leaders counted" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)
twenty-three thousand
"23,000" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/translate-numbers)
one month old and up
"one month old and older"
they were not counted
This can be stated in active form. AT: "but the leaders did not count them" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)
because no inheritance was given to them
This can be stated in active form. Here "inheritance" refers to land inherited. The full meaning of this statement can be made clear. AT: "because Yahweh said they would not receive any land as an inheritance" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive and rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-explicit)