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"listen" or "pay attention to what I am about to tell you"
this is Yahweh's declaration
Yahweh speaks of himself by name to express the certainty of what he is declaring. See how you translated this in Jeremiah 1:8. AT: "this is what Yahweh has declared" or "this is what I, Yahweh, have declared" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-123person)
this place will no longer be called
This can be stated in active form. AT: "people will no longer call this place" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)
Topheth ... the Valley of Ben Hinnom ... the Valley of Slaughter
See how you translated the names of these places in Jeremiah 7:31.
I will make them to fall by the sword before their enemies
The idiom "to fall by the sword" means to die in battle. This can be stated in active form. AT: "I will enable their enemies to kill them with swords" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-idiom and rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)
I will make them
The word "them" refers to the people of Judah and Jerusalem.
by the hand of the ones seeking their lives
The verb may be supplied from the previous phrase. The idiom "fall ... by the hand of" means to be killed by someone, with the word "hand" representing the whole person. AT: "I will enable those who want to kill them to kill them" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-ellipsis and rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-synecdoche and rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-idiom)
the object of hissing
The word "hissing" refers to a sound that shows strong disapproval and can be translated with a verbal phrase. AT: "an object at which people hiss" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-abstractnouns)
I will make them eat
"I will make the people who live in Jerusalem eat"
in the siege
"because of the siege"
and in the anguish brought on them by their enemies and the ones seeking their lives
This can be stated in active form. AT: "because their enemies and those who are seeking their lives have brought anguish upon them" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)