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No one is ruler over his breath so as to stop the breath ... no one has power over the day of his death
Just as no one has the ability to stop himself from breathing, no one can continue living when it is time to die. (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-simile)
No one is ruler
The word "ruler" can be expressed as a verb. AT: "No one has control"
the day of his death
This is an idiom. AT: "when he will die" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-idiom)
No one is discharged from the army
This can be translated in active form. AT: "No army discharges anyone" or "No army allows soldiers to leave" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)
wickedness will not rescue those who are its slaves
This speaks of wickedness as if it were a master who had slaves. AT: "evil people will not be saved by doing what is evil" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-personification)
I have applied my heart
Here the author refers to himself by his "heart" to emphasize his feelings. See how you translated this in Ecclesiastes 1:17. AT: "I applied myself" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-synecdoche)
every kind of work that is done
This can be stated in active form. AT: "every kind of work that people do" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)
under the sun
This refers to things that are done on earth. See how you translated this in Ecclesiastes 1:3. AT: "on the earth" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-idiom)
There is a time when a person oppresses another person to that person's hurt
"Sometimes one person will oppress another, causing that person to be hurt"